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I ain't Einstein.
Written at 11:14 PM on Friday, June 17, 2011

Ever heard of ..
Success is a staircase, not a doorway

A step by step way from bottom to the top. Yep.
Takes patience. A lot of it.
Sometimes I get this feeling of..lost hope and failure.
Sometimes I feel that maybe I'm just so stupid, I can't even spell the word "Anna" backwards.
To spice things up, the person I look up to and admire the most keep letting me down.
Giving words of sorrow and blaming me for my stupidity.
Comparing me with others and judging me.
Telling people I'm no good and a shame
It's not something that someone with a very low self-esteem wants to hear about.
I am someone who have lack of confidence and a very low self esteem. 
I have problems with speaking loudly among large number of strangers.
Anyway, I am also a very slow learner. I need excessive practice to master that certain stuff especially the ones I'm not into. In short, I ain't a clever person. Yep.
I failed maths and science like always.
I have been humiliated publicly for it. (damn that person)
It's not like I didn't struggle for it. I did!
Is it my fault that my brain wouldn't react fast to numbers, equations and cells stuff??
People are different!!! Especially the way they see the perspective of life.
Just because I ain't Albert Einstein doesn't mean I want to live freely with 0 info.
I want to study and have a successful life.
I'm worried about my future and I have been thinking about it for such a long time.
Seeing others going places to study and succeed, heck yea made me envious.
Made me feel..mad and angry. Feels like punching.
And on the same time, I am worried. 
Worried that I would end up staying at home and have the same daily routine everyday.
Worrying builds up my stress level. 
and stress makes me sad.
If stress lands on me, I have to start think positive very fast.
Or I'll end up locking myself in the room and let myself bleed.
naww I wouldn't wanna do that. That's pure childish.
Every time stress fills me up, I'll start to think of something..
Sometimes success comes late to others.
Success comes to those who waits.
I think of many positive things to calm myself down.
I may say "I'm okay", "It's gonna be okay", "congrats..gudluck"
and so on.. but deep down it's a whole lot of different story.
I just have to suck it all in and be positive. (although being over-positive is not good.)

I really shouldn't be writing this like an essay.
No teachers around and I ended up reading this by myself alone.